Saturday, July 23, 2005

Deep Thoughts....

Last night, DH and I were watching our favorite show West Wing We have the box sets and we just finished watching the last disc of season 4. Sigh. Not sure when season 5 is due out, but when it is, I'll be all over it. I hate being left hanging. But it made me think.... about getting older, having kids, the kids growing up and such. It wasn't just West Wing that had me thinking,.... I think the fact that our baby is starting Kindergarten come August has kind of started it,.... the bombings in London didn't help either. Just so much going on right now I guess.

Yes, our youngest starts Kindergarten next month. I'm excited for him, and worried about him at the same time. He's a smart kid, but there are times when we worried a great deal about him, his speech and such. Still times when I don't think he fully understands the things we tell him. He doesn't seem to grasp things very well. Other times, I think maybe I am just babying him too much and I'm not wanting to see the big picture?? I don't know, I just know that he's our baby, and he's starting REAL school. No turning back. No more babies in our family. The kids are growing up. We're growing older. I don't think I like any of that.

The bombings in London,.... not just once but twice??? It makes me scared for the world. Last night we heard more on CNN about the bombings in Egypt as well. What are things coming to?? So many killed and injured. I realize things could've been much worse as far as casualties, but it doesn't change the fact that these people are all over and scaring the crap out of everyone. Not just those in England, but all over..... to me, it's like Sept. 11th all over again. "where were you when you heard about....." That will be the questions I figure my Grandkids will ask,.... will even be questions my younger kids will ask.

Then last night, West Wing,.... the last couple of episodes. One guy Toby was due to be a father of twins, his concern was that he wouldn't love his kids like other fathers love their children. What an odd thought to have as an expected parent I thought. I thought maybe it's more of a fear of loving something especially a little life,... or lives in his case that scared him so much?? I can honestly say as a mother, I never had that worry. With my first, I was scared to pick him up, he was so tiny I thought I would break him or drop him. With all the kids, I would cuddle them close and just think "wow,... this little life came out of me" Birth is amazing,.... and children are wonderful. I look back on my first born,... my first birth,... and think, "you know,... when I decided to have kids, I never considered them to grow up, to become preteens, or teens or eventually to move out and get a ton of body piercings" I didn't sign on for that part of being a parent. They're supposed to stay little always. Which brings me to the other part of the story from West Wing. The President's youngest daughter is abducted. She's in her early 20's just graduated from college.... could you even imagine?? President or not, your kid is taken from you, that safety net is gone. You can't do anything but wait and watch what's going on around you and pray that your child will return to you safely.

After all of that,.... I couldn't help but think of our kids. How fortunate I am to be a stay at home mom, how I am with them 24/7 and watch them grow, and help them on their way. How I see my husband who is working terribly hard to give me the opportunity to do so, go down the hall and spend a good hour with the kids playing video games because he knows that the next 4 nights are gonna be rough, and he won't see the kids much at all after he starts work tonight. Do I take them for granted?? Do I take for granted that they're so healthy,.... that they're smart and happy???? Do I take for granted that we live in a small town, and safety has never seemed an issue?? When I quietly go into their room at night, shut the tv off and cover them up, am I taking for granted that I can do that every evening??? These are my kids. I don't think I could love them anymore than I already do. I think the fact that I don't want them to grow up, shows I don't take them for granted,.... because once they leave the house, I can't protect them anymore. I want them to have a sheltered life, to be mommy's babies,.... yes, even the 14yr old LOL It's just times like these, when you reflect on what's going on around you, and you worry more about your kids I guess.

To the families in London and Egypt that were touched by the last few days events, my heart goes out to you all.