Ramblings....

I was asked today,....

are you ever going to post again?

Yeah, you know who you are..... :o)

So, since I've been lazy.... and really not a whole lot to jabber about honestly... I thought I would just ramble on about the things that are kinda going on around here. Where to start???? Ohh..... Kim, you'll like this one :o) I actually had meant to blog about this over the weekend but well, it's been a rough week more or less. Lets just go back in time a bit.... back to umm.... Friday 17th.

We had a dinner date,.... MIL was to keep the two rugrats for us, and we were going out to dinner with DH's friend and his wife. We've been out with them once or twice before. He's really quiet and mellow.... Happy to sit back and let others enjoy the evening at his expense I guess you could say. She's much younger than he is, and is always out looking for a good time LOL She's a trip. Anyhow, they picked us up and we headed out to eat,..... although we didn't know where.... we knew we were driving into Memphis, and we needed to decide WHERE to eat. Finally chose Red Lobster. I've never really eaten there that I can recall, I think once when I was a kid maybe. It was pretty good.... I even tried the seafood pizza. Something about fish or chicken on a pizza rubs me wrong... but honestly this wasn't like a regular pizza to begin with, was pretty yummy :o) We enjoyed the food, the conversation the LACK OF CHILDREN :o) After we ate, it was around 10pm.... hmmm what to do??? The idea of going to a "gentlemen's club" came up.... and not from the guys or myself. Knowing I've never been,... she was all up for going. DH didn't mind the idea either LOL Imagine that??? LOL His thought was that if I was too uncomfortable, we'd leave. So, yes we went. Sorry to disappoint ya Kim, but no, I didn't do the lapdance,.... or tip any girls... I sat off in the sidelines and just watched. I love watching people and my God what a place to do people watching LOL I watched this cute tiny girl (stripper) lead a pudgy, unkempt looking man off to the "lap dance area"... I don't think if I had the coordination to dance like they do in those frickin heals from Hell, that I could NOT be picky with whom I would dance for. DH said "it's the old fat ones that have the money...." Might be true, but I think I'd prefer the well dressed good looking men LOL But hey, that's just me! All in all we spent maybe an hour there, and it was interesting. There were fat girls, skinny girls, girls with HUGE boobs, girls with no boobs.... (that made me feel pretty good actually LOL) but my take on the whole place??? It was nothing more than a dance club minus the dancing. Loud music, lots of lights and more men than women. Although, DH said that he saw more women there than he's ever seen before,.... and I mean in the crowd. There were a handful of girls that would go up to tip the main dancer, and not get off the stage!! It was really something to watch LOL I must say that I do feel silly for getting so worked up over these places,... and actually probably wouldn't mind going back to one, where the girls actually could perform. Seriously, there wasn't a lot of dancing going on.

We didn't get home till 2am, and come morning, DH woke me and I'm thinkin it's too early to get up..... kids are still gone.... nice and quiet house.... look at the time and it's 10am!!! Our plans for the day were to go take a look at Jim Walter's Homes.... So, I jumped out of the bed and got ready and off we went. We spoke with a nice lady, who's granddaughter ended up being someone DH went to school with years ago. She assured us if we did what she suggested we could get into this home by Christmas. So, we're waiting to hear for sure on this. I really hate waiting.

Our home right now is tiny for the 6 of us. It's OLD, and has lots of problems,... we need something bigger for sure and something we don't have to try and keep up with. DH was to start a new position within his company. Not a more plush job unfortunately. He works for a steel plant,... and his job before now was mechanical engineer,... he wrote up drawings/programs for how the steel would be rolled through the machines and how it would look when it was all done. Basically they make huge steel beams for large construction projects. I think some of the steel now is actually being used for the new towers if I'm not mistaken. Anyhow,.... the company has always paid the mill workers a production bonus. DH never got this bonus since he was considered as working in the office,..... after 10 yrs of working in this office.... he's now going to the mill, to work the machines that roll out these steel bars. He just started Tuesday night. It will be tons more money, so we hope to be able to have this new home built. The job itself is sucky. It's hot and dripping wet sweaty work, he comes home blowing black crap out of his nose, and so tired that he can barely stand up. Granted this is the first week so it's really a rough adjustment. His hours will end up being 4 days on, 4 days off. He will work nights one week, and days the next. The pros to this job of course the #1 being the money, but we look forward to when he's doing the actual 4 days off. We hope for it to mean more time together, to maybe go fishing or do stuff with the kids.

So, that's been my week. DH works tonight, and will be off Sat, Sun and Monday. Hopefully that's enough time for him to recoup after the hard ass week he's had. Wish us luck on the house,.... I really hope to know something/anything by the end of next week, if not sooner. Really is killing me,... I soooo love that house!!!

Anyhow, suppose until next session, have a great cool summer,..... I know we're stayin indoors for a few days.... 89 degrees/feels like 92 (32 degrees/feels like 33 for those of you in metric lands) and it's just now 10am!!! It won't be getting any cooler over the next few days either. Phew!!! Too hot to play outside!!!

My Dad

In the Army - 60's

Since Father's Day is just around the corner, I wanted to blog about my Dad a bit. When I was born, I was the apple of his eye. As I grew up, and watched him, I felt there wasn't anything my Dad couldn't do. He was very artistic, he could build a house from the ground up, was an avid angler, could play the guitar by ear, fix cars, clean swimming pools, make a tree swing, a sandbox, bury dead critters for me, even the tiniest goldfish, he was really an amazing man.

Dad so young here....

Growing up with Dad was a lot of fun. We did all sorts of things. My favorite was always going to see Grandma and Grandpa in Oroville. We would load up and take off for the weekend, or holiday weekends too. I enjoyed the drives, and the stops at Dairy Queen for an icecream cone, watching the cows go by. It was just one of those times as a kid where nothing seemed wrong, where life was just at it's best. Mom told me how when she'd come home from grocery shopping or work or whatever, he'd have a backyard full of neighborhood kids, and be inside fixing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for everyone.

Dad and I - Aug. 1970

Dad each year would have us a great garden, he would teach me the wonders of how things happened. Showing me how to plant our vegetables, and the first sprouts and pulling up carrots! I wanted to be just like him, as we would strut around our garden together, without our shirts on. Granted, I was maybe 7 or 8 at the time :o) The one house I remember with fondness was an A Frame style, with a nice yard. We had a huge walnut tree in back. He tied me up a nice swing where I would spend hours upon hours swinging. I had a friend behind us, and we would climb the privacy fence and set up there and talk and play with Matchbox cars between the fences where there was a 2x4 separating them. One day this girl was talking about how she had to go to her Dads house. I didn't understand as she tried to explain that she had 2 moms and 2 dads. One set being step parents. I think I was about 9yrs old then.

Later I went in and asked mom about this,.... "Do I have 2 dads?" I really caught her off guard. It was maybe a day or so later when she sat me down and explained, that yes, I did have 2 dads. I was shocked. I was equally confused. Who I called Dad, was not my real father. She told me that when she and my real father met, and it was "puppy love" and she became pregnant with me and knew she couldn't be with him anymore. I didn't think much about it really.... I mostly wondered who and where was my real dad??? Something that would bug me for years to come. I would daydream about who this man might be when I was younger... thinking maybe he was rich.... maybe he had horses??? I would riddle my mom with questions as I grew older. To which I found that he wasn't the man I had daydreamed about at all. He was into bad things, had been in prison, and she knew that wasn't the life she wanted for herself or her new baby. I became grateful to her for telling me this, telling me that she chose to have me, and have a better life together.

I was born Jan. 1969, Mom used her maiden name as my last name on the birth certificate. Mom and Dad were married May 1969. When I was around 16, Dad and I had a serious talk. He said if I wanted to, that he would get an attorney and file papers so he could adopt me. I would then have his last name. I can still recall how I felt. We were sitting out back,... it was a beautiful day.... sky so blue with a few bright white clouds.... the air smelled warm and I thought my heart could just burst with how loved I felt. After some decision we decided it would be silly.... eventually I would marry, and my name would change anyhow. The fact that he wanted to do this though, thrilled me. I was so proud.


I think this is late 80's, this is how I remember him the most,... well, throw a beer in one hand and cigarette in the other first :o)

Dad did all sorts of things work wise as I was growing up. He was a carpenter for years. He hung cabinets on rainy days and hung sheetrock and God only knows what else. He really seemed happy so long as he was working with his hands. He eventually was strictly a swimming pool man. Going to various homes and cleaning their pools for Cascade Pools in our hometown. When we would make trips here or there, he would point this way and that... "I clean that pool.... and I clean this pool... and that's Joe Morgan's house, I clean his pool too" It got to be a running joke after awhile,.... but always in great fun. Summer time I would get to go on his routes and help carry the jugs of chlorine,.... he even taught me how to test the water.

For a good while he had his own business, and even barter for services from time to time. One such time was a lady who was a seamstress,.... and it was Jr Ball time.... he chose to have her pay him by making me a dress. I got to pick the fabric and style and all that. I thought I was a princess. I chose a pretty pink taffeta, I still have this dress. Honestly, I don't recall much of the Ball, what I remember most was that I was late getting home, and I was terrified of what wrath would befall me. I tried to sneak into the house, but Dad was asleep on the couch... I tried to tiptoe to my room, but MY GOD this dress was LOUD..... Dad wasn't really asleep. He opened his eyes and said "You're late" *gulp* "yeah... I know......" "did you have a good time??" "yeah" "well, why don't you get to bed then..." "Okay" and scurried off to bed. It's funny how you will hold onto such memories. But that was how Dad was. When he was angry, you knew it..... his eyes would be red, face like stone. I was sensitive as it was, so all he had to do was look at me, and I would cry.

Well, I could seriously go on and on about my Dad. I had chosen to leave out the bad parts... the not so great memories. In short, as I grew up, I learned that my Dad had a serious drinking problem. Some days you didn't know what you'd come home to.... couldn't really bring friends home either. Some days you could take advantage of it, if he was in a great mood and drunk, you could manage to get $10.00 to run to the local arcade or mini mart.... his drinking caused a lot of pain for my mom, and for myself as well, later it would prove to really hurt my younger brother.

Mom and Dad split up.... to be honest, I'm not even sure when they divorced. It was after I had left home. Dad lived with a good friend for awhile, then the friend married, so Dad knew he needed to move on. From there I'm not sure where he went,... he wasn't holding down a job, he was still drinking, and eventually ended up living on the street. My dad was homeless. I lived states away and felt helpless more times than not. I missed him, I worried about him. He was in and out of VA programs trying to help clean up his act, but more than that I think it was just a place to go when the weather was bad so he could be warm and fed. I wished for his phonecalls and loved his letters. I am thankful that he felt he could be open and honest with me that he could call and write. I feel bad that he didn't do this for my brother. I kept all his letters, and the only thing I remember of his calls, the last thing I remember hearing from him, "I'm very proud of you".

Through his drinking, he could make you feel terrible, but you know, above all that, there wasn't a day that went by that he wasn't proud of me, and he told me so. In anything I did, no matter how big or little, he was proud of me. Even today, when I do things, I can hear him say "I'm proud of you honey".

January 2001, I hadn't heard from Dad in awhile. Just a letter around the holidays, with a picture. I got a call from an Uncle who said that Dad was in the hospital, that he was in a coma. Jan. 15th I flew home to say good bye to my Dad. I kept a bit of a journal during this time. I knew I was in such a haze, I'd not remember much of it at all.

Today I am heading home to say goodbye to my father. While he's not my real father, in my heart he's always been. In his heart he's always been too. As I sit in the plane, I think of the family I've left behind. How it hurts to be away from them,... I almost feel like a poor dog being drug to the vet, my feet are down digging in, but this plane's pulling me further away. This is just something I don't want to do, much less even think about.

January 17th my Dad passed away peacefully. He never came out of the coma. But somehow I just feel like he waited for me to get there before he left us.

Dad, I'm proud of you too. I only wish I had told you more often.


VA Holiday Gathering, December 1996

Damn Murphy and his Laws

Murphy's Stupid Law #1. Never fails that your child will be invited to a swimming party and need a new suit AFTER you were already at the store and could've bought her a new one.

Murphy's Stupid Law #2. The one night that hubby and I retire to the bed before 9pm the phone rings at 9:30pm.

Murphy's Stupid Law #3. Because your child has never really been swimming, you need to attend this party to make sure she's safe. On this day, your allergies act up, the Rx meds aren't working and you can't buy the OTC med that you prefer anymore.

Murphy's Stupid Law #4. You finally find a great allergy/sinus medicine OTC and some stupid ass law comes out that prevents you from buying it OTC, and because of this stupid law, they keep most meds behind a counter and lack space for ALL the meds they used to carry, and no longer carry the med that you want!!! OMG I hate this one the most. What's the point in OTC??????? sigh.

So, how is YOUR day going?????? I need to get presents wrapped, clothes washed, and pick up child from church to prepare for the swimming party. My luck,.... or Murphy's Law #5??? Will be that the suit I picked out for picky child, won't be right,... she won't like it, it looks like an apron or something (bought a cute summer dress for her and it looks like an apron) insane like that.... guess we'll see how it goes,... I know she'll like the towel though, it's Bratz!!!

** update **

Murphy's Stupid Law #5 You clean out your truck for MIL to borrow for the day, and the one thing you told yourself to get out of it, you didn't..... sunglasses.... with allergies acting up and sitting out in the sun, I NEED them :o( Check out Ms. Mac's and read 3 Things I Hate today for Murphy's Stupid Laws #6-8.

By the way, she LOVES her swimsuit :o) WOOT!!!!

Dear Diary.....

Yesterday was the first day I've emptied and filled the dishwasher and scrubbed the counters and stove top in a long time. Even hubby emptied the trash! Good cheap labor is so hard to find, and we're missing ours already :o)

Yes, we made a 3hr drive on Saturday morning to the airport to drop the two oldest off as they were making the trip to see their father for the summer. This is something we do every summer. They're here for nearly 2 weeks after school lets out, then they're gone. The difference this year is that they were flying there for the first time. Just a 45min flight, but still. For some reason, it was harder to say good bye to them. Jessica was a nervous wreck. So much so that she was shaking. I've never seen a person much less my own child shake out of nerves. Maybe that is what made it so much harder to let go?? With smiles and encouragement I said good bye to them. We were to wait until the plane left the ground before we left the airport. We sat, watching and waiting. It sorta just hit me, and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I just hate seeing them go.

They got to their dads house before we ever thought of being home, so when we did get in, the phone was ringing and thankfully Jessica had a great time, she said it was "FUUNN!!" Big relief. At least the flight back won't be so bad :o)

So, yesterday hubby went to work out, and I got in and cleaned up the kitchen. The kids usually have kitchen duty and there are things that get missed. Looks lots better in there. Bathroom is scrubbed. With just the 4 of us, things do tend to stay a bit cleaner. Just a bit mind you.

Today Sydney attended Vacation Bible School. It's the church that her best friend Laura attends (her father is preacher or youth minister there) Sydney doesn't understand what that meant as in whether or not Laura would be there. I assured her that she would be, but she wasn't holding her breath. Until we got inside and she saw her :o) Sydney told me later that hugged and hugged each other. She will attend all week this week, and then Laura and her family move on Saturday.

Geoffery and I took a trip to the bank and WalMart while Sydney was there. We picked up a few things, and the most important thing,... 4 bags of sand!!! We bought Geoffery a sandbox last year, but couldn't find sand!! So I jumped on it this year. We got back home, cleaned out the sandbox and filled it up :o) We then sat and played for 45mins in the 92 degree weather..... phew!!!

So, this begins our summer vacation. The kids are both home and inside right now, waiting for lunch. Both are anxious to head back out and play in the sand. I think I dread buying it now....... this is going to be a pretty hot summer!!! Will have to go out and play in the sand at like 8am before it's too hot LOL

Miss me??

Yeah, it's been a bit huh??? Sorry,.... not a whole lot to jabber about these days. The kids are out of school, things are a tad busy getting the older two ready for their summer with their dad. This is always a dreaded time of the year for us. I hate it the most I figure,.... suppose you could say it tends to make me feel anxious and testy.

So far this past week, we did dental apts as I am not very good about making sure they get there when they should, the oldest needs braces, so he gets the joy of having those put on hopefully as soon as he returns and before school starts. Welcome to High School, here's some braces huh? LOL Poor kid.

Our family has officially expanded.... you know those sweet lil kittens?? Yeah, they're still here :o) The little girl was named about a week ago,... Sweetie... the black n white, since he looks so much like his daddy, is Skipper Jr, but we call him Jr. I kinda like that,..... sorta Jr Earnhardt too :o) (Nascar if you dont know the name) The black boy, still dont have a name,.... half considered calling him Oscar after my kitty when I was growing up, but he just doesn't fit the name,... then thought Elvis since we are so close to Graceland and all. But I dont know, he doesn't seem like an Elvis either. So, still thinking on that one. Here are a couple pics to enjoy.... Sweetie finds any spot that's unusal and naps there.... this morning it was my purse,... I had just cleaned out all the crap so it was empty and she couldn't stand it and climbed in! LOL DH took the picture of the boys a few days ago, they're like best buds!



Lets see,..... shortly things will be looking up for the household as DH has taken a different job within his company. His job now, is mechanical engineer. Best I can explain it is that he draws programs out on the computer for how the steel will look as it gets rolled/cut. He works at a huge steel mill,.... obviously. Sadly for all the work he does, he doesn't get paid near what some of the other guys get paid,.... long story on that. Most the others in the shop get "production bonus" and the guys that actually run the lathe machines outside in the mill area get production bonus as well. You know how it is, you as a wife can say what you think about how things ought to be, but they're not going to listen to you. If he didn't make up the drawings, they'd not have a program to run the steel through..... should be worthy of production bonus. But no. So,.... he's going out to the lathe. It will be tons more money for us, and we're very excited about that part. Not to mention that right now he works 12hr days 5 days a week, and has even worked Sat for OT pay. This job will be 12hr/4day week. Four days on four days OFF. We can't wait for that either. Weekends are never long enough for us :o) The bad part of the job, is that it's much more physically challenging, it's extremely dirty and quite dangerous. So, while we're anxious for the changes we'll be able to make for our family, I do worry about the cons of the job. He worries about our relationship what with the rotating schedule. As he will work one week days 6am-6pm, and then nights 6pm-6am. I admit it will be hard, it will be a huge adjustment, but I'm not worried about our relationship in anyway. I love him so very much, and could never express my appreciation for what he does to better our lives. He doesn't WANT this job,... but we need it. So, honey if you're reading this, thank you and I love you with all my heart.