We no sooner walked into the door, when the phone rang. It was my ex. The older kids were there for the summer,.... Chris had answered it. I was working on ushering in the kids, getting bags put in rooms, etc. Then taking the dogs outside. All the while trying to get an idea of what was going on on the phone.
It didn't take too long,.... I gave Chris a look of " ???? " and he mouthed "Jessica" First I felt alarm,... but the look on his face didn't say she was hurt or anything,... then it hit me. "She wants to move there." I didn't ask it, I just said it. Chris nodded yes.
My first reaction was NO!!! NO NO NO this will NOT happen. We had gone through this with Brian but he was younger,.... maybe not even Jr. High. When we talked to him at great length about it, he really didn't have a reason to leave,... he just wanted to. Well, with his age and all, I just wasn't ready.... and didn't think he was really ready either.
Jess was about to enter High School. Here the student class is roughly 80??? Classrooms are small and you do get one on one with the teacher,... the teachers KNOW their students. Jess is also a straight A student. Very smart,.... to the point of she never has to pick up a book and STUDY. I have NO clue where or how she got this ability, because it sure the hell wasn't from me!! LOL
So, I was pissed. My first thought was "Ohhhh right,... he wants HER because he'd not have to "raise" her... he won't have to worry about her with school,.... he didn't want Brian (long story there) but he'll be MORE than happy to take Jess."
I just wanted to tear stuff up,... I was so angry. I was hurt. I was in tears. I didn't want to lose my baby. That's how it felt. I felt betrayed. I was mad at her. How could she want to do this??? How could she want to do this and have never discussed it WITH us????
All these feelings took place in a matter of hours. After Chris had gotten off the phone, he explained. Jessica was spontaneous about the whole deal,... it was like she'd been thinking about it to herself for awhile, and only just announced this to her dad.
Her reasoning was that the school there, had wonderful classes that she was very much interested in. Canine sorts of classes,... animal types of classes. She wants to be an Animal Control Officer when she "grows up" and these classes are SO NOT available here. The school there is much larger,.... they're able to do a lot more.
HOW do you argue with a 14yr old who says she wants to live there because of SCHOOL ????? I just couldn't. I felt like my hands were tied on this. I relented. I hated it, I wondered if it was the right decision. Was I tearing my family apart??? Chris and I talked about this for days and days.... I had already given in,... but we were concerned about the decision for sure. We were blaming ourselves.... it was just so difficult.
I have to keep reminding myself that she's 14. A teenager. They don't think. They sure don't think things through. They definitely don't think about the outcome of their decisions and how it will affect others.
I think the worst part of it all was telling Sydney. I felt sick inside when her daddy held her close and told her, and she started crying. Did I make the right choice???? Is this all my fault????
Just to recap,.... as it's been nearly 2 months since this took place. I guess we're all "over it" now. Sometimes I still feel resentment,... sometimes I still hurt that she's gone,.... but she seems happy, and has started school. The school is huge and she's learning her way around,... she has a combination lock locker,.... (they don't have locks on them here) so that's a challenge in itself for her,... but she's enjoying her classes and her teachers. She's taking all honors classes, so I figure with a classroom size of 30+ students, it will be even more challenging, and I keep reminding her that it's just the start of the year, she will probably HAVE to study. I pray that she does well there. I would like to see her as an honor student. I know she would've been here.
She's happy,... so that's all that really matters right??? Sydney's looking forward to redoing the bedroom to suit her,... daddy said we'd get her a full size bed, and change things around the way she would like them. She likes that she doesn't have to share the computer in the room anymore too LOL Simple pleasures. She and Jess text, and Jess calls every once in awhile. I guess things are working out okay for all of us.
Still miss my Jessica though.
No comments:
Post a Comment